Well, now the hype of the pre-order launch has died down – for me at least – I’ll return to my tale of recovery. While I can see the improvements I’ve made, I feel I’m still on a journey.

The diagnosis of complex PTSD led to treatment, which included medication. But I believe it was the therapies that helped the most. With the help of trained professionals, I started correcting the malfunctions in my brain. A brain so frightened it saw everyone as a threat and every situation as dangerous. Thankfully, through the six years of psychoeducation,

I learned a brain can be rewired and retrained.

I devoured books such as Van der Kolk’s The Body Keeps Score, Judith Herman’s Truth and Repair and Trauma and Recovery along with Dr Lisa Feldman-Barretts’s books, which I mentioned in an earlier post.

But I also delved into spiritualism – Buddhism, to be specific. You see, I had been shattered into many pieces and, through Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, realised my many parts comprised childhood memories – my parts were only children themselves. These child parts had me reliving past horrors, constantly triggering the fight, flight, freeze and fawn responses. IFS had me slowly working with each part to inform them I was now an adult, and we were no longer in danger, consequently altering the triggering memory.

I felt educating these parts as I would a class of children, with the right ways to behave would help. I can’t say if it did, but I certainly became familiar with many of the teachings in Buddhism – and grew aware of my negative actions. This led me to shadow work – exposing my negative qualities and the impact they have on others.

As a natural people pleaser, I was shocked, and accepting this part of me took time.

If you’re on the road to recovery, I highly recommend you find a therapist you can work with. Whatever you do, don’t believe everything you read on the socials. Do work to ensure the advice given is from a professional and suited to you. We are each so individual that no one solution fits all.

But what truly ensured I was on the path to recovery was building a routine to keep my body healthy. Running three times a week in the bush surrounding my home. Not only did it maintain my fitness, but allowed me to enjoy the natural surrounds.

Each morning, birdsong welcomed me, along with the smell of eucalyptus, and the sound of my dogs splashing in the dams.

All of which kept me present and grounded. After my runs, I completed a Sun Salutation – of sorts. My yoga routine varied, but I always used my breath to time how long to hold a pose –engaging my parasympathetic nerve and realigning my mind and body. I read – a lot – and journaled. These are things we can all do. But above all, I listened to me. My body and my mind.

As an ‘over-sensitive ‘ child – a constant source of irritation for my mother – I learned to keep my emotions deep within, so as not to further annoy her.

By the time I was an adult, I had shut down many of my emotions and even physical pain. But emotions never truly shut down. They remain bottled up inside until – like a shaken soda bottle, which only takes one too many knocks before it explodes. And speaking from experience, once those emotions explode, it’s a long way back to recovery.

So, take care of the whole of you and listen to what your mind and body are telling you. If you’re sensitive, learn some strategies – for me meditation and yoga – to help accept and then control your thoughts and emotions. My medication is practically negligible, and my therapy sessions have reduced.

I feel comfortable in my own skin for the first time in my life.

But there’s one person who, through all of this, stuck with me. From the first weeks of my almost comatose state, to raging lunatic, to longing to end it all. He supported me the best he could – my husband. Now our relationship is stronger than ever.

I’m grateful I’ve survived the journey to arrive at a place of serenity and love.

It was hard going, and there were many occasions I didn’t think I’d make it, but I have. Within each of us is a ball of energy. This energy – whatever it is – guides us to our true path. We need to listen to it. That’s all. Don’t shut it down and ignore it, or call it bad names. It’s the real you, and you only have one lifetime to get to know it. So don’t waste it. If you pay attention now, you won’t have to do it the hard way – as I did.

What do you do to keep yourself healthy – mind and body? It would be great to share them.

Don’t forget Ivy: Refusing to Hate – From State Ward to Survivor is now available for preorder @bigskypublishing