So another 29 men violently murdered their partners and psychologically damaged their children forever so far in 2026, according to the Australian Femicide Watch (Sherele Moody). There are calls for a Royal Commission into these continuing murders, but as someone who has researched several Royal Commissions, I am very aware that the findings of these commissions are rarely taken up. My research also uncovered an uncomfortable pattern: even when women escape domestic family violence (which includes coercive control), the abuse doesn’t stop. Unfortunately, statistics omit the toll DFV has on the children.

Children grow into adults and perpetuate what is familiar to them.

I have personally witnessed women silenced by their adult offspring in a similar manner to their fathers. It’s punishment for not conforming to the colonial stereotype – quietly spoken, supporting a husband and children with no ambition beyond the next washday. And this is especially so for women my age and older.

I am currently re-reading Anne Summers God Damn Whores and God’s Police. Those women who fit the patriarchal model are the ‘God’s Police’, and Anne gives succinct and accurate portrayals of them throughout her book. Anne wrote this book, in the 1970s, but it is still – depressingly – relevant. Yes, women have clawed some equality, but for many, this is in addition to the burden of housework and childcare. And currently, we’re witnessing the erosion of those very gains – the reduction of rights, women have over their bodies, among other things.

To combat the growing DFV toll we must address the impact it has on the victims who have no agency – the children.

I say no agency, but as a child who grew up with DFV, I was able to read my stepfather’s mood as soon as he walked in the door and then move myself and my younger sister into some pretty cool hideouts. But ultimately children have no choice but to bear witness to the violence, and when its coercive control – well, seeing the powerful party get their own way every time only confirms that is the way things are done. Education about DFV and the long-term effects is needed for both adults and children. Currently, we have 29 families whose lives are irreparably damaged, and countless more that remain below the radar.

And to clarify my terminology in the opening sentences – to say 29 women killed by DFV is a statistic like 2-3 people will be killed by sharks each year – we read the sentence and accept this is a likelihood. But with women it goes one step further: it’s their fault – why didn’t they leave? Leaving a DFV situation is complex and needs an essay on its own. But as a person who works with words, someone who must ensure all her sentences deliver the exact meaning intended, a statistical statement designed for brevity doesn’t. These women were more than statistics. They were mothers, daughters, wives and friends. They were vibrant and more than likely loved the very person who killed them.